Bereavement is the emotional process that is experienced after the loss of a loved one. Everyone, at one point in their lives, will experience bereavement. Some people may experience it multiple times early on in their lives as children, while others won’t experience it until they are well grown. Bereavement can be difficult for some people to understand because it is such a multi-faceted, complicated mixture of emotions and thought processes. However, understanding bereavement is essential for knowing how to support those who have lost loved ones.
Bereavement is typically known as grief or the grieving process, although bereavement generally refers to the entire emotional state after the death of a loved one and not simply the grieving process.
Grief is not simply a single feeling, but a combination or succession of many different feelings, such as sadness, anger, and guilt. Because bereavement is a highly personal process, everyone will handle and experience it in their own way. Some people who are grieving may find themselves unbearably depressed and sorrowful, while others experience bouts of anger and frustration without necessarily feeling extreme sadness.
Grief is generally broken down into five different stages, which may be interchangeable:
Denial–the denial of the death, or a feeling of disbelief. Many people, especially in the first few days after the person has passed, report feeling numb and in shock. Feelings of unreality are also common, but can be a concern if they are experienced for too long. Many people find that attending a funeral and/or seeing the body of the deceased may help overcome the disbelief and shock. (“I can’t believe this. I was just talking to her earlier today.”)
Anger–anger at the death, and the tendency to blame others or themselves for the death or the circumstances of the death. The anger may be directed at medical staff, family or friends, themselves, or even the deceased. (“If you hadn’t stopped at the store for groceries, you would have been home to help!”; “This isn’t fair! Why did you leave me?”)
Bargaining–bargaining with religious figures or “the universe” for the return of the deceased. (“God, if you bring him back, I swear I’ll be a better person.”)
Depression–feelings of sadness, depression, and bouts of crying fits. The person who is in bereavement may suddenly burst into tears in a public place, or while talking with friends about unrelated issues. They may begin to sleep for longer hours, or retreat from daily activities.
Acceptance–accepting and coming to terms with the death.
Bereavement is a very personal and often distressing process, even for those who are not experiencing bereavement themselves. It can be alarming to see friends or family crying hysterically, or lashing out in anger at those around them. It’s very important for anyone who has experienced a recent death to receive support and understanding from those around them, however, to avoid additional feelings of guilt (“I don’t want to make anything feel bad by seeing my cry,” “I’m being selfish by skipping work because I feel so sad,” etc) or even further depression.
If you know someone who is currently bereaved, you can help support them by spending time with that person and giving them a shoulder to cry on, or just a friendly face to talk to. You can also help by allowing them to talk to you about their feelings and their memories, even if it may seem repetitive or tiresome–they are simply trying to work out their feelings of grief in their own way. And finally, you can support someone experiencing bereavement by simply being there for them during periods which may be especially painful, such as the anniversary of the death, holiday times, and birthdays.
If you suffered a loss and are planning a funeral, we have many valuable resources.
See articles: Funeral or Memorial Service, Funeral Songs, Funeral Planning,
As well as our beautiful Obituary Template Examples
