When grieving families walk in your door, they are absolutely numb.  They may not realize that certain parts of their decision-making abilities are offline, along with their emotions.

Whether the family has suddenly lost a loved one or knew this time was coming because of a terminal illness, the numbness is still there.  They will be hesitant when they see you, a little skeptical that your concern is real, and at least a little worried that you might take advantage of them financially while they are vulnerable.

So, you will see a range of emotions from your grievers that are alien to their normal social patterns.  If you notice extreme passivity, where the family says, “Whatever you think we should do, go ahead,” consider this a red flag.  These people are so overwhelmed that they cannot make a decision, and they will be upset and angry with themselves—and you—for anything that wasn’t done quite the way they wanted.  This is a case where you need to step in and firmly take them by the hand, using your counseling training to talk them through making decisions they can live with.

Your grieving family may have one member who is extremely angry and domineering.  Believe it or not, this is a form of numbness.  This person cannot express his (or her) deep feelings, so he attempts to control everything about the situation—the funeral plans, the casket, you.  Don’t let his forcefulness rile or rattle you.  Instead, redirect and funnel his pent up energy into a positive action.  Give him some important part of the process to focus on.  Find ways to praise him for his ability to do this task, explaining how it will benefit the whole family and honor his lost family member.

Of course we know that the best way to prevent numbness from overtaking families is to get them to make preparations ahead of time.  Most people do not want to even consider the inevitable—especially when they are healthy, but you can enable them to prepare by offering Funeral Prep Workshops in your community.  Make it free to sign up, provide refreshments and literature, and have a question and answer time.  Offer to let participants make appointments to sit down later with you and set things up.

You will always need to combat some degree of numbness in your grieving families.  The more you prepare your community by your outreach, the less numbness will walk in your door.  Advertise your workshops.  Another powerful way to reach out is through Facebook.  Set up your Facebook page to offer free Funeral Prep Workshops and make it easy for people to sign up and “like” your page.  This will connect you in a caring way to a continually growing segment of your community.

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