For most people, this seems like a quick and easy decision. That is because most people are not going through the loss of someone close to them. When someone suffers a traumatic loss, the smallest decisions become almost insurmountable mountains.
Your grieving family has already had to make a myriad of decisions while the passing of their loved one may have been a shock. They have had to plan out the funeral, select a coffin or cremation, notify all their friends and relatives, write an obituary, deal with the death certificate, contact the insurance company and worry about sorting through belongings. Not to mention the possible financial burden they may also be going through if provisions haven’t been sorted out beforehand. Trying to decide if they want people to send flowers or donate money may seem like one decision too many. They aren’t sure they have the emotional strength to weigh the options.
This is where you as the funeral director can ease that burden. Just gently ask if their loved one had a particular passion. If he enjoyed telling stories to his grandchildren, see if the family would be open to allowing donations to Big Brother-Big Sisters or the YMCA. Explore the interests and hobbies of the beloved family member to see what charities might share a common denominator with the things her or she loved. Have a list of charities ready, grouped by type, so that the family can consider one or two of them as possible donation recipients. On the other hand, if their loved one preferred gardening and the outdoors, then flowers and plants would be the obvious way to go.
Most often, the best solution is to open it up and offer everyone the option of either sending flowers and plants, or donating to the charity or charities that the family has selected. If the family is in a difficult financial predicament with unexpected funeral service, it may be wise to assist them in asking for donations to help with the funeral service costs.
